


Did You Ever Love Him?

by peggin



Category: White Collar
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-23 01:53:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12495848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peggin/pseuds/peggin
Summary: Kate's thoughts when Peter asked her if she ever loved Neal.





	Did You Ever Love Him?

When Peter asked the question, Kate froze for a moment. She honestly didn’t know how to answer.

She knew without any doubt that she had loved Nick Halden. She had been hopelessly, entirely and completely, head-over-heels in love with Nick Halden. So much so that, before she’d even kissed Nick for the first time, she’d decided she wanted a life with him. She'd wanted it badly enough that she had thrown away all her plans for her future, including a relationship that had made her happy for several years.

Then her whole life was pulled out from under her. Her boss was a criminal who had conned everyone, she was jobless and penniless, and, worst of all, there was no Nick Halden. “Nick” was actually Neal Caffrey. He was a criminal, a conman and a thief, just like her former boss.

Sometimes she wanted to hate Neal for not being Nick, but most of the time, when she looked at him, all she could see was the man she’d fallen for, and it didn’t matter what name he called himself.

But they weren't the same person, not really. Nick had been solid and dependable; someone she could imagine building a future with. Neal was reckless and unpredictable and a little bit dangerous. In many ways, being with Neal was more exciting and exhilarating than being with Nick ever could have been, but it was also terrifying. When she tried to picture the future she might have with Neal, it was nothing like any future she had ever imagined for herself.

With Neal, she found herself doing things she never would have imagined she was capable of, and she wasn’t sure she liked the person she became when she was with him. Kate’s younger self never would have even considered a future where she stole things or committed fraud. But that younger Kate had never met Neal Caffrey. There were times she wasn’t sure if she hated the person she became when she was with Neal, or if Neal was the best thing that ever happened to her.

Sometimes Kate thought she might love Neal even more than she had loved Nick, but sometimes she wasn’t sure if she even knew Neal at all. The only thing she knew for sure was that, in those months they’d been separated before Neal was arrested, she’d felt an emptiness in her life that Nick... Neal had previously filled. Did she love him? She wasn’t sure, but she wanted the chance to find out. And that would never happen as long as Neal was living under Peter’s thumb, and Adler was manipulating both of their lives. 

So, when Peter asked her if she ever loved Neal, Kate didn’t know how to respond, and ended up not saying anything at all.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my version of what Kate was thinking after Peter asked her if she ever loved Neal. I know not everyone will agree with my interpretation, but when it comes to trying to figure out Kate's feelings, I tend to think that neither Peter's opinion (that Kate was just using Neal and didn't really care about him) or Neal's (that Kate loved him as much a he loved her) was completely accurate, and that the truth fell somewhere in between.


End file.
